Passing on this message from our betters, who know what’s best for us:
OK, we admit that it may have escaped from the coronavirus lab in Wuhan. In fact, that’s why we were so concerned, because we knew that the lab in question alters natural viruses to make them more infectious and more virulent “for research purposes” (because that’s exactly what we pay them to do). So please forgive us for not being forthright and causing even more panic as we shut down your lives until we were sure it was OK. Oh yeah, and then to get rid of Trump! And to scapegoat as anti-science – white supremacist even! – those who insisted on any sense of perspective other than the one they were being sold (cf gleichschaltung).
So you see, we had no choice but to manufacture the appearance of a deadly pandemic like no other in history, because we knew that it might happen. And then when it didn’t, when the hospitals weren’t overwhelmed at all, well, it looked like it would not only get rid of Trump and his antiglobalist hordes, but also allow us to install any mannequin we wanted to further protect and strengthen our control. So it had to continue. And as a bonus, now you’re ready for whatever “pandemic” we come up with in the future: scared into getting your annual covid jab just like for the flu (except now required by law!), ready to mask up and shut down, and to shame and shun the skeptics. So to continue to stay safe, and unless you want to be branded (literally, as you’ll see; you’ll be branded, too, of course, but to grant rather than deny you privileges) as one of those antisocial Trump-worshipping white supremacist misogynist and selfish science-haters, we trust you will continue to ignore (as you have commendably done for more than a year now):
- the ostracizing of physicians who successfully prevented illness and treated those who got sick,
- the redefinition of “case” to include perfectly healthy people who
- tested positive for coronavirus-2019 in PCR tests using cycle numbers way above the recommended, guaranteeing false positives,
- with that defining “covid hospitalization” as well, no matter what you actually went to the hospital for, and
- “covid death”, to include any cause (gunshot, even!) in a person who had one of those likely false positive test results within the preceding 4 weeks (because we paid extra for "covid hospitalizations and death"), and
- (now that we continued to turn what was supposed to have been a crisis into opportunity by forcing (or rather enticing, if you ever want to be free again, which, frankly, most actually don’t, and hah, too late! but again, you don’t want to be mistaken for a Trumposaur so line right up – don’t stand out!), um, coercing 100s of millions of people to “willingly” enroll in trials of never-before-used DNA and mRNA vaccines) the redefining of “herd immunity” as attainable only via vaccines, even for a virus that turned out not to be all that virulent in the overwhelming majority of people (and to be treatable with cheap generic drugs (hydroxychloroquine, ivermectin), not to mention largely manageable by keeping your vitamin D₃ and zinc levels up), and
- revoking the above means of exaggerating the numbers after someone is vaccinated, showing how well the vaccines work!
And keep hiding your faces, because you can never be too careful. The self-abasement is necessary evidence of good discipline, your belief in “science” (wink), literal self-effacement in the name of community (and keeping the body politic cleansed of Trump-mad insurrectionist disease-spreading racist murderers!). We love you.
UPDATE, 4 January 2022:
You may have heard some reports of, may even know of some, vaccinated community members getting sick with covid. Don’t believe it! They weren’t keeping up: You need BOOSTERS, because those homophobic nondiverse Trumpophiliacs – don’t let anyone tell you they’re not! – are manufacturing mutations of the virus that sneak past our first vaccines. Too many of those people are pretending not to get sick, let alone dying, from covid and are instead just passing it on to good citizens who are vaccinated. Get tested every day! Test your kids! (It’s fun!)
IT IS YOUR DUTY.
AVOID THE UNCLEAN! Bar them from your lives, your businesses, your towns!
And KEEP YOUR MASKS ON! As long as there is one nonvaccinated (racist, misogynistic) person – of any age! – out there, you, we, are in danger. That includes those whose last vaccination was more than 6 months ago. Or 4. Or 3. We are always learning.
Not that the mRNA and DNA vaccines don't actually prevent you from contracting and transmitting the virus. Or that the limited effectiveness of the antibodies they produce facilitate mutations of the virus. And that if the antibodies are nonneutralizing, they can actually facilitate infection of – instead of destruction by – white blood cells (antibody-dependent enhancement is fake news!). Or that programming your own cells to produce a version of the coronavirus spike protein might cause your immune system to attack your own cells, in your heart, for example ... Or that wearing face masks all the time and avoiding people eventually makes you less able to cope with infection – in a spiraling cycle requiring you to continue doing what’s causing you to need to do it.
That would be treason, sedition, and questioning of Science. Science says to continue doing what We tell you to do. Better Safe than Sorry (and you know what we mean by the latter). You need it. You want it. No community without compliance!
You’re all doing very well! We love you.
