(James Joyce, 1916) 
Who is the man when all the gallant nations run to war 
Goes home to have his dinner by the very first cablecar 
And as he eats his cantelope contorts himself in mirth 
To read the blatant bulletins of the rulers of the earth? 
It’s Mr Dooley, 
Mr Dooley, 
The coolest chap our country ever knew 
‘They are out to collar 
The dime and dollar’ 
Says Mr Dooley-ooley-ooley-oo.
Who is the funny fellow who declines to go to church 
Since pope and priest and parson left the poor man in the lurch 
And taught their flocks the only way to save all human souls 
Was piercing human bodies through with dumdum bulletholes? 
It’s Mr Dooley, 
Mr Dooley, 
The mildest man our country ever knew 
‘Who will release us 
From jingo Jesus’ 
Prays Mr Dooley-ooley-ooley-oo.
Who is the meek philosopher who doesn’t care a damn 
About the yellow peril or problem of Siam 
And disbelieves that British Tar is water from life’s fount 
And will not gulp the gospel of the German on the Mount? 
It’s Mr Dooley, 
Mr Dooley, 
The broadest brain our country ever knew 
‘The curse of Moses 
On both your houses’ 
Cries Mr Dooley-ooley-ooley-oo.
Who is the cheerful imbecile who lights his long chibouk 
With pages of the pandect, penal code and Doomsday Book 
And wonders why bald justices are bound by law to wear 
A toga and a wig made out of someone else’s hair? 
It’s Mr Dooley, 
Mr Dooley, 
The finest fool our country ever knew 
‘They took that toilette 
From Pontius Pilate’ 
Thinks Mr Dooley-ooley-ooley-oo.
Who is the man who says he’ll go the whole and perfect hog 
Before he pays the income tax or license for a dog 
And when he licks a postage stamp regards with smiling scorn 
The face of king or emperor or snout of unicorn? 
It’s Mr Dooley, 
Mr Dooley, 
The wildest wag our country ever knew 
‘O my poor tummy 
His backside gummy!’ 
Moans Mr Dooley-ooley-ooley-oo.
Who is the tranquil gentleman who won’t salute the State 
Or serve Nebuchadnezzar or proletariat 
But thinks that every son of man has quite enough to do 
To paddle down the stream of life his personal canoe? 
It’s Mr Dooley, 
Mr Dooley, 
The wisest wight our country ever knew 
‘Poor Europe ambles 
Like sheep to shambles’ 
Sighs Mr Dooley-ooley-ooley-oo.